Pity Party

I'm going to get his party started and then I'll have to excuse myself because I don't have time to stay.

Last night I received my grade on my big midterm, and it was embarrassingly low. Low enough that if I get out of this class with a passing grade, it will be because the instructor had great mercy. And considering that any grade below a B in graduate school is frowned on, I'm not feeling hopeful about my situation.

So I'm in a place where I question whether or not I have made the right choice. Sure I wanted to do this, but does that mean I was supposed to? Did I choose the right program? I should have researched a bit better and found a program that is solely math education as opposed to having so much pure math. My goal  was to teach future teachers rather than future mathematicians and engineers. The upside is that if I get through this program I will have the option of doing either.

Sure I could retake the course, but considering that this semester's tuition and books cost more than a month of my meager salary as a teaching assistant, retaking courses wasn't on my agenda. Besides I've already had go back and pick up an undergraduate course so I've added to my overall bill as it is.

And how do I repair my self esteem? I mean I'm trying hard here and I thought I had done well. I put in a lot of time on this course just to gain some vague understanding. So today I feel too old and dumb to be doing this.

Well, I got this party started as I promised, but I don't have time to stay. I have children to get ready for school, a class to teach and various other responsibilities in my many other roles. So stay if you want. Have a drink and talk amongst yourselves.