I'm too old for this

by Rob Shenk

Considering that the women in my family live until their late 80s, it seems a bit early to say that I’m too old for much. Ok, I’m too old for foolishness, to waste time with the trivial, and to allow things in my life that don’t bring joy. But we’re never too old to learn something new, right? Well, I think I’m learning that I have a lot on my plate.

This morning, I blew a test that I should have aced. I had a paper due earlier this week and homework for another class. Plus I was behind on grading papers, and I had to prepare my students for a test. The result was that I took my ability to prepare for this test for granted and waited until the last minute to really study. And wouldn’t you know that this would be the night that little Ms. Z chose to be extremely fussy allowing me neither time to study like I wanted nor an opportunity to get ample sleep. So I answered two questions extremely well (I think) and I bombed the other two. There went what I was sure would be an A to balance out whatever grade I’m graced with in my difficult class.

When did it get to be so difficult to manage things? And to think that I had considered continuing to work full time while doing this. So back to my original conclusion. I must be too old for this. I’m perfectly content to be the mother of those beautiful bundles of joy the Lord blessed us with. I’m not about titles, so I don’t ever have to be called Dr. anything. I can tutor and still make a difference. Of course there is the issue with the fact that I’m not a quitter. A procrastinator and avoider, sure, but not a quitter. And I was starting to look forward to the idea of teaching at a university. But that’s all vanity.

I’m tired today. Prayerfully I’ll have a new perspective in the morning. After all, I still have a paper to write, three finals to prepare for, classes to teach…

Rough Week

by House Of Sims

 We're nearing the end of the semester, and things are piling up on me. Add to that the fact that I got sick this week, and you find lots of room for error.

On Monday I was running late and managed to slam my hand in the car door. As a result, I taught my students how to do something completely wrong. I didn't even hear what I had said until class was over.

I prepared myself to apologize and correct my error knowing that the result might lead to confusion on the topic. But then I woke up with a persistent, painful cough. I had to send in a sub. The good thing is that a sub in this case is a fellow graduate student teaching the same class, different section. The bad thing is that my students decided that since what she taught was the opposite of what I had said, then she must have been wrong. So they rebelled by either doing the homework in the way that I had taught them or by not doing the homework at all. College students!

And when I returned to class, I was still loopy from the medication I was taking to be there. So my attempts at explaining what had happened and why the sub was correct didn't seem to come out well. Given that they have a test this coming week, I'm afraid of what the results will be. 

Pity Party

I'm going to get his party started and then I'll have to excuse myself because I don't have time to stay.

Last night I received my grade on my big midterm, and it was embarrassingly low. Low enough that if I get out of this class with a passing grade, it will be because the instructor had great mercy. And considering that any grade below a B in graduate school is frowned on, I'm not feeling hopeful about my situation.

So I'm in a place where I question whether or not I have made the right choice. Sure I wanted to do this, but does that mean I was supposed to? Did I choose the right program? I should have researched a bit better and found a program that is solely math education as opposed to having so much pure math. My goal  was to teach future teachers rather than future mathematicians and engineers. The upside is that if I get through this program I will have the option of doing either.

Sure I could retake the course, but considering that this semester's tuition and books cost more than a month of my meager salary as a teaching assistant, retaking courses wasn't on my agenda. Besides I've already had go back and pick up an undergraduate course so I've added to my overall bill as it is.

And how do I repair my self esteem? I mean I'm trying hard here and I thought I had done well. I put in a lot of time on this course just to gain some vague understanding. So today I feel too old and dumb to be doing this.

Well, I got this party started as I promised, but I don't have time to stay. I have children to get ready for school, a class to teach and various other responsibilities in my many other roles. So stay if you want. Have a drink and talk amongst yourselves.